The door opens. You take off your fancy space helmet. Kinda stupid because you don’t really know if it’s safe to breathe, but hey it all turns out fine anyway. You swipe the dust off the first console you bump into (It’s dark I guess… probably should have mentioned that). Pressing the biggest button you see because you’re an asshole, you activate the display lighting. Before you stand 4 bizarre colored eggs. The console in front of you displays a message:
EASTER ADOPTABLE CLEARING HOUSE GIVEAWAY FIRE SALE:
That’s right you lucky sentient you! Regardless of gender or lack thereof, you have been chosen to receive one of 4 special eggs! Whatever hatches from these eggs is completely yours to do as with you wish!
Including but not limited to:
Profit: Want to make money off of it? Good luck with that!
Sex: Sure… why not!
Role Playing: That’s a thing.
Kill it: Probably the best choice!
HOW TO CLAIM:
Just say you want it… not that hard. Just do it. COME ON. Limit 1 per customer see store for details. Offer not applicable where prohibited. Long Live Kim Jong-un.
Eggs are due to hatch April 21st. Failure to claim an egg will result in the eggs permanent destruction. You will never know what hides inside the egg. And wouldn’t that just be a shame?
Please step up and choose carefully! The POWER IS YOURS!
You step up, like a MAN (or whatever) and examine the eggs. Descriptions as follows
1. Pink egg. A clock is engraved on the shell… It appears to be apart of the eggs natural biology. kooky.
2. looks like a giant hand grenade. I guess that’s pretty cool.
3. just a plain ol looking giant egg… with what looks like a smiley face. Sure.
4. Now this is what I’m talking about. It’s like a dark evil looking egg. What is that eeking out of the top there? Is that lava? BADASS. There appears to be a Chinese symbol engraved in lava on the egg, but you’re probably to uncultured to know what it means.
ALL EGGS CLAIMED. GO HOME. WE’RE CLOSED.